I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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