i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
