I puked a lego.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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