absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
