alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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