I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
