Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
