His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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