My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
