Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
