Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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