I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
