I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
