Screwed.edu
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
