So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
