dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
