I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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