I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize