After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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