jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize