By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
