wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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