...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
