Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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