to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize