You're my little dorito
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
