It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
