I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
