Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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