I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
