u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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