Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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