Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
