you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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