Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
