Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
