DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
