You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
