dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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