yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
