Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
