He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
