You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize