Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
