Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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