Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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