I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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