I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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