You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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