I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
