my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
