Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
