btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
