She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
