i can't believe i had my finger in that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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