Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't deserve a penis
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
