I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
