Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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