Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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