bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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