I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we're so committed to being not committed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
