Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
