god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
