since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
