If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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