I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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