pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just took my morning after pill in the library
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
