I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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