life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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