I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it because I queefed?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
