Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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