jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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