you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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