Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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