So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
