i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
