would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
