Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
