I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
