What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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