john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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