Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
3 2 1 whiskey
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
