So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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