Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
