life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize