so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
