Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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