I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
