He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
