I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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