bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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