just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
whose ass print is on the piano?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
