That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sarcasm needs its own font
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
