God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
