YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and she was petting her beer can
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
