The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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